Complaining about life in general…
Once again, the Tainted Butterfly, has come through with a holiday themed header for my blog. Thanks!
I know… I know… January isn’t even half-way over and I have a Valentine’s Day thing going on. If Walmart can do it, so can I. And I know… I know… hearts and flowers and crap seem kind of sappy, but I like the way my turd seems to have the hots for the floating heart. Ahhh, young love, is there anything that makes you want to gouge your eyes out more?
I received a letter-of-resignation from one of our staff recently. One of my coworkers is leaving the employment of the company I work for, packing up his family, and moving to Texas. A better paying job with more opportunity awaits him in a climate that is more to his liking. No one begrudges him the opportunity he is not letting pass him by. In fact, the only mumblings around the office that have been created by his announcement are mumblings of slight jealousy. He has done it… he has found a way out of Nebraska!
My coworkers and I seldom complain about the work we do on a daily basis (unless we have a particularly stressful day of telephone calls or the subcontractors we use for a majority of our service work are giving us grief). We all seem to like our jobs. We do, however, like to complain about living here. We have come to the conclusion that, of our little staff of nine (soon to be eight), the majority of us are not completely in love with living here. I figure that about 5% of the population here in the panhandle of Nebraska… a percentage that consists mostly those in the higher echelon of wages and stature, … actually “love” living here. The other 95% of the residents of our area fall into one of two categories (please remember, there was no scientific research involved in the estimation of these percentages… just raw, gut instinct from a guy who likes to bitch) :
1: People who hate living here. By hate, I mean anything from somewhat dislike to extreme, pull-your-hair-out hate.
2: People who are indifferent.
The second category are a bigger thorn-in-the-side of my attitude than the people who actually love living here (all 5% of them). The indifferent people make excuses and self-justifications and talk down to those of us in category 1. The lovers talk down to us as well, but at least it’s because they love it here and they don’t like us harshing their love mellow. The indifferents talk down to us because our rants about the crappiness of Nebraska makes them think about their own pathetic existences here… and they don’t like that.
The indifferents don’t really like living here, but they come up with reasoning that can be difficult to follow.
“Why don’t you try to find the positive instead of always looking at the negative?” Because “finding the positive” sounds like work, and why should one have to “work” to find joy in a community? If a community doesn’t offer joy, find a community that does.
“Instead of complaining, why can’t you try to appreciate what the panhandle has to offer?” This is like having a turd on your dinner plate. Now someone is telling you not to complain about the turd, and that you should realize that the turd actually has a small amount of nutritional value because of the undigested corn. Pick the corn out of the turd and enjoy it instead of complaining about the turd. Brings new meaning to living in the “cornhusker” state, doesn’t it?
“It’s negative people like you who make it difficult to live here!” The villager who complains about the wolves coming in and eating the village’s sheep isn’t the cause of the lack of food and wool. The villager who complains is bringing light to an issue that will not be solved if the other villager’s don’t realize there is a problem. If no one complains about it, won’t get fixed. Without the pessimist, the optimist has no bright side to look at… or, better yet, no dark side to look away from.
“If you don’t like it here, just leave!” Oh, if only life were so simple. For some of us, there are children in school, mortgages to pay, job commitments, lack of funds for a move, and many other excuses that really do make it difficult to completely uproot lives in search of greener pastures. Plus, I really feel like many of us who hate it here would love to not hate it here, but we don’t know how to institute the change necessary to make it better here. For example, Scottsbluff and Gering are currently two separate communities with two separate governments, school systems, law enforcement agencies, etc. Combining the two communities seems like it would benefit both communities by saving tax-payer money and by attracting new employers and jobs with a single community of about 25,000 instead two separate communities of less than 20,000. Problem is, the morons in Gering want nothing to do with the jerks across the river in Scottsbluff. In fact, the residents of Gering feel so strongly about “keeping their own identity” that they voted out the mayor who was in favor of starting to consolidate the two communities in favor of the hot-head who is all about keeping the communities separate. So Gering took one step forward by electing Susan Weideman and then took twenty steps backward by electing Ed Mayo. Opening the eyes of the people who don’t really want to see the communities grow and thrive as one, but who instead view the two communities as rivals, is a difficult, if not impossible, task to overcome. So, if we don’t like it, we’re supposed to leave; and many of us do leave and the population continues to stagnate… and no one can quite figure out how to fix this!?! We are just doing what you tell us to do!
I’m not usually one who gets too deeply involved in the whole positive/negative energy thing. However, there really does seem to be a negative energy in this place. Don’t believe me? Try spending a couple of hours at the Scottsbluff Walmart on the first weekend of the month when all of the government-assisted shoppers are loading up and you will know the meaning of the words “negative energy”. Given the fact that such a large percentage of the population here is either negative or indifferent, the negative energy thrives. At times, you can actually feel it washing over you. I can feel it, can you?
Happy Stinking New Year…
If you’re dreaming of a white Christmas, stay away from Nebraska!
I can remember the Christmases of my youth in Montana: Christmas days filled with sledding and snow-fort building and snowball fights and ice skating. These are fond memories that my children will most likely only experience on the rare “Christmas visit to the extended-family in Montana.” My boys will grow to adulthood thinking of Christmas as a time of brown grass covering the earth and patches of dead leaves that avoided the rakes of fall. Dust and dirt, brown on brown… nothing screams “Christmas” like the colors of death and decay. This is Christmas in Nebraska.
When most of us think of Christmas, reds and greens and whites (is there more than one?) fill our imaginations. Red represents the blood of Christ that was spilled for our sins. Green stands for life, the eternal life found through Christ’s sacrifice. White is for snow; snow that covers the earth and hides all imperfections, just like Christ. Brown is for… uh… well… there really is no “brown” in the Christmas color-scheme. Brown is reminiscent of… crap? Crap that life can be without Christ, I guess. Or, maybe a donkey in the manger or something.
Southern states can boast of the green of year-round vegetation and temperate weather, and I can see how Christmas could be enjoyable down there what with the reminder of the eternal life that awaits us. Northern states are covered in the virgin snow that reminds us of the love of God. Central states, like Nebraska, remind us that this life can be a pile of crap and, I don’t know… maybe that we can expect donkey-rides in heaven?!?
Christmas should be all about Christ. This time of year, we get caught up in the gift-giving and the gift-receiving and the food and the extended mid-day naps (ok… so that’s probably just me). We all remind each other to remember the true meaning of the Christmas, and then we head out to buy that one last present, or we run to Walmart to get that last box of Jello for the salad.
I’m gonna keep this post short, because I don’t want to complain too much on the day we set aside to remember the birth of Christ. I’m going to try to end this post in a positive manner in tribute to the ultimate sacrifice of our savior. As I look out the window at the brown grass and the blowing dead leaves, I shake my head and try to think positive. It’s too cold outside to enjoy the lack of snow, but it’s not cold enough to go ice fishing or ice skating. Brown upon brown upon brown… I guess riding a donkey would be kinda fun…
We had to replace our dryer. Our old dryer just pooped-out. She had been in a state of deteriorating health for quite some time, but we have put up with her “quirks” because… well… she was our dryer. When the wife and I were married over 16 years ago, one of the first major purchases we made was a washer and dryer.
I can remember shopping for her (the dryer… not the wife… although I vaguely remember that as well). We went to every place in town, trying to get a good deal. We looked at all sorts of off-name brands, but we ended up going with Kenmore from Sears. I don’t remember the exact reasoning behind why we purchased this particular brand, but I know I have felt confident that we made the right choice. I have never looked at our washer and dryer and thought, ‘We made a mistake by going cheap.’ We considered buying our washer at one store and our dryer at another. “Matching appliances” that were to end up in the basement or the laundry room or the spare bedroom were never a big concern for us. However, the particular washer and dryer that we purchased in our first year of marriage just… well… they just seemed to go together, kind of like a newly-wed couple.
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Mr. Washer and Mrs. Dryer have been with the wife and me through thick and thin. Whether they were cleaning the bedding and lingerie of a newly-wed couple, sitting in storage while the wife and I hopped apartments in Denver, cleaning the tiny clothes of our firstborn, cleaning dog hair off of everything after we received our family’s first dog, cleaning up the spit-up of our second-born, cleaning up the spit-up of our second-born, cleaning up the spit-up of our second-born (oh, the joys of a RSV-prone and mucous-filled child), or preparing the daily garb of a laundry-producing family of four people and one dog in present day; Mr. Washer and Mrs. Dryer have always tried to be good to us. I have spent many a late night sitting downstairs watching T.V. or pecking on the computer, while Mr. Washer scrubs the whites and Mrs. Dryer fluffs the darks.
Listening to the two of them in harmony could be quite … err… interesting?!? While Mr. Washer went into spin cycle and Mrs. Dryer tumbled her load round-and-round, there unison motions often caught my attention. Mr. Washer would spin, slowly at first, and then faster and faster, shaking the stillness of the basement with his urgency. Mrs. Dryer kept the same unison pace throughout, yet I sensed that they were working toward a common goal. Finally, Mr. Washer, at a frenzied speed in search of some extraordinary outcome… stopped spinning. I could tell he was spent. Mrs. Dryer usually continued on, searching for her own “mission complete” banner. Every once in awhile, the two of them would reach their goal at the same time: Mr. Washer’s final spin cycle quickly grinding to a halt as Mrs. Dryer’s buzzing high-pitched alarm screamed that her load was complete. It was kind of exotic and erotic, in a very blue-collar and… uh… pervy kind of way… probably like the erotic encounters of most married couples 🙂
Mr. Washer started having issues a little over a year ago. He really wobbled when he went into the spin cycle, and we knew that something was wrong. Finally, he just gave out. Every time I tried to start a new load, he would just hum. I tried my best to get him working on my own… which, with my mechanical expertise, resulted in several swift kicks to his nether-regions.
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Mrs. Washer did not seem to approve.
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Nothing I did (i.e. no matter how hard I kicked) worked. We finally called an appliance repairman. Like $50 later, some doohickey was replaced and Mr. Washer has been working like a champ ever since!
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Mrs. Dryer has been in a state of decline ever since we moved into our new house over two years ago. It seems her heating element has been going out… or something. It used to be that we could throw a wet load into her and, within a multitude of mere minutes, she would have it dry. Recently, it would take a second, and sometimes third, cycle to actually remove all moisture from a load of clothes. Apparently, she had come down with something… something terminal. Finally, a few nights ago, she wouldn’t work at all. I threw a load of wet mass into her, closed her door, pushed the “start” button, and… nothing.
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Crap!
I figured, initially, that this was something I could fix… given my exemplary track-record with fixing major appliances and all. I gave her several swift kicks. Although the kicks did nothing to spur her into action, I did seem to notice several sever looks-of-reproach from Mr. Washer.
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Ignoring the ire of her spouse, I decided to perform a little surgery.
I think I’ve already mentioned this, but my mechanical skills are a little lacking. I blame my lack of ability on the fact that I don’t have the proper tools. Convincing the wife that I needed to add to my haphazard tool collection, I headed to… Walmart… and bought a multimeter. Armed with the necessary tool to assess Mrs. Washer’s condition, I started the procedure.
First, I tested the actual outlet she plugged into. As the multimeter’s needle sprung to action with the insertion of the red thingie and the black thingie into the slots that we are taught from early childhood not to stick anything into, my heart raced. I realized that between my fingers raced enough electricity to kill the average mortal. Feeling slightly immortal through my discovery, I proceeded to the removing-of-the-screws on the back of Mrs. Dryer. Leaving the appliance plugged in, I proceeded to test this and that… not knowing exactly what I was testing, but feeling exilerated that I was playing with something with which I shouldn’t. Not finding a clue as to the current condition plaguing Mrs. Washer, I unplugged her, turned the multimeter device to the “ohm” setting, and continued with my examination.
The ohm setting apparently tests the connection through different electrical components of a system without the necessity of outside electricity… or something. The multimeter’s AA battery provides everything one needs. All of a sudden, I’m not a general surgeon… I’m a “specialist”, as I test this component and that. I become increasingly disheartened as my search proves more and more futile. The wife recommends that we just purchase a new dryer. I remind the wife that Mr. Washer was fixed for next-to-nothing and recommend that we try the same with Mrs. Dryer. The wife points out that the average appliance lasts about 15 years, Mrs. Dryer is over said 15 years, and that we could really use a dryer with a little more capacity to dry our increasing quantity of clothes and linen-type-stuff as our boys grow. Feeling like I had let Mrs. Dryer (and Mr. Washer as well) down, I somberly agree. Mrs. Washer has fulfilled her purpose and her time had past…
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Mr. Dryer was devastated…
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After quick visits to all of the major local appliance places, we settle on a nice Maytag that Home Depot was offering at clearance prices. We brought her home, plugged her in, and tried her out. She works great. She gets hotter than Mrs. Dryer ever did. The new dryer is sleek, shiny, and has great capacity. We like her a lot. She may have been “cheap”, but you could never tell that from her appearance!
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Okay, maybe her appearance screams “cheap”… but only in the softest of screams.
At first, I was afraid that Mr. Washer would hold some contempt towards our newest appliance. However, I think he’s coming around 🙂
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In fact, this is the happiest I have seen Mr. Washer in a long time. His spin cycle seems to be a little faster and he cleans better than he has in years… and I can’t quite seem to figure out why…
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Appliances… go figure?
In my last post, I kind of painted Nebraska Governor Dave Heineman as a dolt. Let me rephrase that: Nebraska Governor Dave Heineman kind of painted himself as a dolt and I wrote about it. I really didn’t have anything positive to say about good ol’ Dave. After thinking about it, I decided that he did deserve a couple of props, so I am going to right that wrong right now!
Governor Dave made a lot of fun of The Star-Herald ! I like making fun of The Star-Herald myself, so I enjoyed Dave’s ribbing of our “local” paper! However, Dave made a comment about The Star-Herald not being like The Omaha World-Herald, and I kind of tend to disagree. The Star-Herald is owned by The Omaha World-Herald and is a lot like its parent paper. I want to emphasize that The Star-Herald has a local staff of reporters, marketers, and support personnel who are, for the most part, good, hard-working people who do a bang-up job! However, just because you are owned by an Omaha company does not mean that you can charge Omaha prices. Also, The Star-Herald does not seem to have a local paper “feel”… and I can’t quantify what I mean by that, it’s just the way it is. So bravo, Governor Dave, for making fun of The Star-Herald !
Second props go to Governor Dave for his honoring of Western Nebraska Community College’s Lady Cougar volleyball team for bringing home a national championship at the NJCAA level! Dave proclaimed December 3, 2010 as “Cougar Volleyball Day”.
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It’s pretty cool when little podunk Scottsbluff can claim a national anything, let alone a championship. WNCC has a great athletics program, and I don’t think we local residents appreciate our student athletes as much as we could. Great job, Cougar volleyballers… we are proud of you!
It would have been cool to see a little higher-profile coverage given to our local national champs in our local newspaper, but I think the Huskers played that weekend…
This past Friday, I had the honor and the privilege of attending Nebraska Governor Dave Heineman’s Pre-legislative breakfast at the wonderful Gering Civic Center… or something. I was excited that my boss asked me to go, ’cause I figured I could get some good crap for my blog there, and I did.
Dave Heineman is the Republican governor of Nebraska (because Nebraska is ruled by Republicans who vote for Republicans no matter what that Republican really stands for). I am registered as a Republican, but I consider myself more of a So-Stinking-Fed-Up-With-Politics-That-My-Head-Is-Ready-To-Explode-ian” (wish that party existed). Governor Dave has made all kinds of promises to the people (i.e. voters) of western Nebraska and has followed through on so few of them, that I figured this little morning affair would be entertaining. I wasn’t overly disappointed… well, except for the food.
It cost $15 for a member of the Scottsbluff/Gering Chamber of Commerce members to attend this event (more if not a member). The food was provided by The Meat Shoppe. The Meat Shoppe provides all food to all events held at the Gering Civic Center… it’s like part of some contract or something. Many people hold things like wedding receptions and anniversary parties in this location… and if you want food, The Meat Shoppe has to provide it. Needless to say, food from The Meat Shoppe usually isn’t overly spectacular, and Governor Heineman’s event was no exception. Bland scrambled eggs, generic waffles, very greasy sausage patties, and even greasier hash browns were the only food available, and not a bottle of ketchup nor Tabasco were anywhere to be seen.
I recently attended a soiree (see how fancy I’m getting… “affair”… “soiree”… living the high life here in Craphole, Nebraska) for Miss Nebraska that was at the Gering Civic Center. Of course, the food was provided by The Meat Shoppe. Dinner consisted of semi-barbecued crap (chicken and beef), a potato casserole… or something like that (very elegant?!?), coleslaw (best thing they served), and a basket of rolls on each table. Well, our table had 10 people (which almost every table held), and there were 10 rolls in each basket. I like rolls. I usually have 2 or 3 rolls with any meal I eat. One of the rolls from our basket was dropped on the floor, so there was one person at our table who was roll-less. When one of the table-picker-uppers came by (’cause there are no wait-people with The Meat Shoppe… just people who keep asking you if you are done yet), I asked if, perhaps, we could get some more rolls, because one had dropped to the floor. I wanted more, and I know that others did as well… plus there was the one dude who didn’t even get one. The table-picker-upper said, “I’ll check,” and she disappeared. She came back about 5 minutes later and asked, rather snottily, “So, who is it that needs a roll?” Well, no one (including myself) had the balls to say “ME” (including the dude who didn’t get one because one fell to the floor), so the table-picker-upper kind of looked at me like I was a problem-child because I had made the request, and she stormed off… and we were roll-less for the rest of the evening. Seriously, how flipping expensive can those stinking rolls be that you can’t bring out another stinking basket?
My oldest son isn’t a huge barbecue fan, but we talked him into attending this event because we thought it would be… informative or something. The poor kid is starving and was really looking forward to another roll, from which we were banned. The wife looks at the boy and says, “Hold onto your fork and spoon for dessert.” At least he has dessert to look forward to, right? Well, about 5 minutes after refusing to bring us another basket of rolls, the wench from The Meat Shoppe says to the boy, “Are you done with that,” pointing to his plate? He nods. And then she adds, “Go ahead and give me your silverware, too, ’cause there ain’t any dessert or anything.” The boy didn’t weep openly or anything, but I could tell he wanted to. “We’ll pick up something from McDonald’s on our way home,” I reassured him… but we didn’t. Stupid Meat Shoppe. No customer service (at least if you are not the one paying the final bill) and crappy food. I’m sure they were offering a discounted rate or something, because the whole night was a fundraiser for Miss Nebraska to go to the Miss USA thingie in Las Vegas, so I have a feeling that The Meat Shoppe was pitching in (at least they better have been), but come on… if you’re gonna give… GIVE a little dessert. The Meat Shoppe: something to avoid in the Craphandle of Nebraska!
Well… I guess I kind of got sidetracked there, didn’t I? The Meat Shoppe, as you can probably tell, isn’t my favorite and is well deserving of the three-paragraph tirade I afforded it… but it’s my blog, so if you don’t like it, leave. Or stay, because I get back to Governor Heineman here shortly.
Back to Governor Heineman (see, I told you it would be shortly 🙂 ). After the crowd at the Gering Civic Center had forced down the greasy goop that was passed-off as breakfast, Governor Dave got up and gave a little “state of the state” address. I’m going to be doing some quotes from the Governor, and I just want to be all upfront with the fact that the quotes aren’t really “quotes” but more of a paraphrasing/making-stuff-up kind of thing… you know, just trying to give you my biased “gist” of what Dave was trying to say. It’s not like I was taking notes or anything, and this was days ago. After all, I write a little blog… it’s not like I’m a journalist or anything. His speech was all kitty cats and butterflies.
“Nebraska has a 4% unemployment rate… one of the best in the nation.”
“Nebraska has, in a few short years, moved from 45th best to 29th best in attractiveness of taxes charged to businesses… making us a lot more attractive to businesses than we used to be.”
“Everything I do is AWESOME and, even though I am much shorter in person than I’m sure you would suspect, I am the best governor this state has ever had… blah blah blah blah…”
… you get the picture.
So, after the little pep talk about how great things are for the state of Nebraska since good old Dave has been governor, he asks the audience if there are any questions. About a bazillion hands flew up. And Dave took each and every question from every person who wanted to ask a question. You notice that I stated he “took” every question, because, to be 100% honest, I don’t think he actually answered any of the questions posed to him.
voter: “Mr. Governor, the Heartland Expressway is a priority to the people in the panhandle. Once completed, it will link Rapid City to Denver with our community being right in the middle of all of that trade and traffic. When campaigning before the election, you said you would make completion of this project a priority, but there seems to be little if any progress. What are you doing about the Heartland Expressway?”
Governor Dave: “The Heartland Expressway is a priority of mine. I am committed to seeing it come to fruition. Next question?”
another voter: “Yeah, uh, Governor, we are seeing an exodus of people leaving our rural communities. Many of these people are young people who leave to attend college and never come back. The more urban portions of the state are seeing growth while our rural communities are drying up and blowing away. More quality business and quality jobs in our rural communities could help retain our most precious resource: our people. What, if anything, are you doing to help slow or stop this population migration?”
Governor Dave: “Hell, I wouldn’t want to live out here in the sticks, why would our youth be any different? Ya’ll are a bunch of nincompoops for wanting to live out in this desolate wasteland in the first place”… wait a second… that isn’t what Governor Dave said… that’s what I was thinking… sorry 🙂
Governor Dave: “My responsibility as governor is to see to it that the state doesn’t lose population, which it’s not. The fact that the urban areas are seeing growth and rural areas are seeing decline means that urban areas are doing something right… and you’re not. Next question?”
Yet another voter from western Nebraska: “Yes, Governor, wind energy is going to play a major part of our country’s energy supply in the near future. Wind farms are booming in Colorado and Wyoming, and wind is one of the few things western Nebraska has an abundance of. Why are we not seeing wind energy development in our area? Like with ethanol production, are tax incentives being offered to get wind energy off the ground in Nebraska?”
Governor Dave: “Wind energy is good, but, you know, the wind always blows when you don’t want it to, and it doesn’t blow when you need it to. Hahaha! Wind energy has a future in western Nebraska. Next question?”
…and on and on and on…
… seriously…
The only thing I learned from my attendance at the Pre-legislative breakfast with Governor Dave Heineman is this: I could be governor!
I think that wind energy is good!
I can tell people who voted for me that their problems aren’t my responsibility!
I can say that the Heartland Expressway is a priority of mine !
Man, at times I doubt I have any real worth to society. Little did I realize… I apparently have every skill necessary to be governor of the great state of Nebraska!
My wife has this crazy ritual of getting up well before the butt-crack of dawn on the Friday after Thanksgiving and, with her sister, heading out to various retail locations to fight mobs of people for a very limited amount of sale items. I love my wife, and I know she is muy inteligente almost all of the time… but this yearly ritual makes me doubt her sanity. In fact, she and her sister sit down after Thanksgiving dinner and draw out a game plan (war plan?) for the following day’s shopping blitz. They almost always gets what they were shopping for, and they always have interesting stories to relay to the men-folk (who are usually just crawling out of bed upon the return of the shoppers).
There was apparently some hot deal at Walmart that had people lined up all the way back into the laundry soap aisle. Apparently, there was a pair of young couples who had the foresight to grab some folding chairs from the “folding chair” aisle at Walmart, and these couples had set-up camp in the laundry soap aisle. By “set up camp”, I mean they had their Walmart folding chairs strung across the aisle and their laps and the shelves beside them loaded with some McDonald’s fast food and other heart-healthy treats. And, according to the wife, each couple had a baby with them, and each mother was breast-feeding her baby… right there in the laundry soap aisle… sitting on the Walmart folding chairs.
Of course, being a guy, I’m thinking to myself, “uh huh huh… breastfeeding… that’s cool.”
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The wife, sensing the smirk on my face and the glazing of my eyes says, “Remember, this was in the laundry soap aisle at Walmart.”
“So, they weren’t hot?” I ask.
“Seriously… the laundry soap aisle at Walmart… what do you think.”
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After clearing the image from my head, I let the wife continue with her story. Apparently at 5am, the Walmart people cut the shrink wrap off of the “special item” and the laundry-soap aisle cleared quickly. The trailer trash that had set-up camp in aisle seven left as quickly as everyone else… leaving behind an aisle and shelves filled with chairs from another department (for all other shoppers to navigate around), their uneaten fast-food remnants, and a bunch of trash. Seriously, someone needed to yell at these trashtastic couples, “Really?!?… I have to watch your ugly kids suck on your ugly wives’ knockers, and now I have to move through your filth to make it down this aisle?” This would probably have led to the trailer trash yelling obscenities (’cause that’s what trailer trash does) and the holiday season could have started with a real bang! The amount of disrespect that certain people seem to exude at any given opportunity is one of the reasons that I do not venture out on the morning of Black Friday.
According to the wife, the shoppers at Walmart were actually quite pleasant this year. The real jerks seemed to be the upper class shoppers at Menards. Apparently the upper class isn’t used to having to venture out early on a Friday morning and deal with other shoppers en masse in attempt to complete their holiday shopping in an cost-effective manner. Thanks, crappy economy 😀 I love it when the beginning of the Christmas season brings out the worst in people… which is what it’s all supposed to be about anyway, right? Apparently the Menards shoppers were pretty careless with their carts full of appliances and… bean bag chairs (I don’t know what marketing genius came up with the grand idea of having a Black Friday special on some stupid 70’s relic that easily can load up a shopping cart and make it very difficult to see where one is going when one is loaded up on them, but he/she should maybe find something else to do career-wise). A bunch of pissed-off people pushy around carts full of crap and not being able to see (nor apparently caring) where they are going… sounds like fun, huh? Yeah, if I had been there and some inconsiderate boob had banged me with his/her cart, there would have been a tipped over cart flying down an aisle and a string of obscenities flying from my lips (’cause I’m kinda trailer trash like that 😀 )
People, in general, tend to suck. I’m pretty sure that many of the really sucky ones come out early on Black Friday morning… so I find it’s best just to avoid it.
I live in Nebraska, but I was not born nor bred here. I find myself rooting for the Huskers, because every other state in the union seems to hate them so much. When the Huskers win, I know that the majority of the nation is pissed off, and that makes me very happy 🙂 The Bobcats of Montana State University defeated the tree-hugging fancy-pants Montana Grizzlies this weekend, which makes me smile. I was floating on a cloud of happiness when I discovered that the 8th ranked Huskers of Nebraska were defeated by the 19th (or something) ranked Aggies of Texas (A&M… which translates to “Not Real University”).
I couldn’t believe it! I started doing a little research into the unbelievable defeat, and I discovered that the Nebraska fans were a little upset with the officiating. Of course they were, right? The losing team always blames the officials! And then, I found the following little clip:
The dude who had his testes tested was penalized like 30 yards for this encounter. What? Yes, seriously, Cotton was given two 15-yard penalties for this encounter. #83, Jerod-Edie was obviously grabbing Mr. Cotton’s… uh… family jewels… and not in a way that most guys would like to have their jewels grabbed. I don’t know about you, but having some HUGE dude violently grab my junk would probably lead me to do more than kick a couple of times. Someone would be in the ER (and, given my shape and size, it would probably be me… but I’d have a retarded zebra or two in the ambulance with me). I know, I know… there are all kinds of Aggies fans who are screaming, “A real team looks past poor officiating and finds a way to win!” Such fans need to come on over to my house… my fingers are primed, and I will squeeze you bad boys to the point that you are screaming that Nebraska was robbed and the Aggies low-balled (pun intended) their way to a victory. #83, Tony Jerod-Edie, has wonderful career ahead of him as a $8/hour TSA “baggage” inspector.
Hahaha… Texas sucks in SOOO many ways! Thank you, Mr. Nut-Grabber-Jerod-Edie for showing us just one 🙂
Alrighty, kiddos, Adventurer Rich is looking for some help. I have the gall to call myself “Adventurer” when I rarely, if ever, actually “adventure”. Oh sure, I have my little adventures with Boy Scouts… and I consider my time spent amongst trailer folk at Walmart a semi-adventure… even daily life could be considered an “adventure (in “adventure’s” mildest form), but I never really truly “adventure”. All of that is about to change…
I’m looking for your favorite websites. You know, those wacky pages on the Internet that you visit on occasion (or daily… or every fifteen minutes…) looking for humor or advice or just a little escape. I am not looking for social networking sites like Facebook or your E*Trade account or any site that requires a login to access. I am looking for blogs and advice columns and fun places you like to visit. I will visit these sites, pick the ones I like, chose random information from these sites, compile a list of links, post the links on this blog… and let the scavenger hunt begin! It will be up to my loyal readers to follow the links, search the sites, find the information I am looking for, and return your answers to me (seriously… this is gonna be a blast for all ten of you!) There’s gonna be a prize and everything… don’t know what it will be yet, but I’m sure it will be relatively cheap and stupid… but YOU COULD WIN IT!!! I won’t even charge you shipping to get it to you 🙂
So you’re wondering, “How can I help Adventurer Rich and submit my favorite website?” Well, it’s all really easy. Just comment on this post with a link to your favorite site.
1. At the top of the blog post, where it says “No Comments” or “6 Comments” or whatever, click on that link; this should automatically take you to the comments section of this post. Under the incredibly long list of comments, you will find the section where you can “Leave a Reply”.
2. You will need to enter your name (please do not enter your real full name… ’cause it will be available to anyone and everyone on the Internet who ever happens to stumble across my site… enter your first name or a nickname or make up a really “cool” Internet name… like “Adventurer Rich”, but that’s already taken…)
3. You will have to enter your email address. Please do enter your real, legitimate email address. I will not sell or give away your address, but I may at some point use it to notify you of contest dates and such. Your email address will only be accessible to me… and I’m relatively harmless…
4. Enter the website address of the site you would like me to check out. If it’s your own site, SUPER COOL! If it is the site of someone else, that’s pretty cool too:)
5. Please re-enter the address of the site you would like me to check out in the “message” section (this is the big box under the “website” box). By putting this information in the message section of the site, everyone who visits my comments will be able to know your favorite site! Also, please give me a very brief description of why I should visit the site (i.e. why you like it).
I have a few of my favorite sites in mind that I already plan on using for my scavenger hunt, but I need many more to make this challenging and fun 🙂 I have very few restrictions as to which sites I will or will not use, I just have to like it. I do ask that the content of the site be PG-13 or cleaner. There are a few young people who stumble across my site, and I don’t want to lead them into the world of porn and obscenity… I’ll leave that to Google.
I would like to have all recommendations entered by Saturday, October 2, 2010 at noon. I will not consider any sites submitted after that date and time for this scavenger hunt.
One final way you can help out old Adventurer Rich is to hit the “Like” button at the bottom of this post if you have a Facebook account. This will let all of your Facebook friends who are not my Facebook friends see this post and they too can contribute their sites! I guess if you know how to “Digg This”, you could do that as well; I’ve just been too lazy to research a good plugin to add that feature to my site 🙂
Thanks for visiting my site… thanks for taking the time to read this post… and thanks for helping me start a true adventure 🙂
Isn’t technology amazing? Hasn’t it made daily life so much easier? Nothing reduces stress like modern technology!
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First-thing on a typical Monday morning in Tech Support:
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Me: Thanks for calling tech support, how can I help you?
Little old lady on Phone (lol): My internet isn’t working.
Me: I’m sorry to hear that. Let’s see if we can’t get it fixed for you.
Instant Message from new co-worker (im1): Hey, why would someone’s dealie tell them their network cable is unplugged?
Me: How long has your Internet not been working?
Me: What dealie?
Instant Message from old co-worker (im2): I got a weird one. this guy can’t see anything on his screen.
lol: It hasn’t worked all morning.
im1: I don’t know, the little dealie in the bottom corner of the monitor.
Me: What do you mean “can’t see anything”?
Me: So it was working yesterday?
Instant Message from boss (im3): Did you get that equipment ordered?
im2: the screen is completely blank.
Me: Did you have them check their network cable?
lol: I didn’t use it yesterday.
Me: What equipment?
Text Message from the wife (text1): Can u grab a gallon of milk after work?
Me: The blue screen of death?
im3: the routers for the Schergenrader installation.
Me: When is the last time you used it?
im2: What network cable?
Me: Yeah, how come?
im2: no, it’s completely black
lol: I haven’t used it for a couple of weeks.
Me: I don’t know anything about the Scherkenderfer installation.
text1: I have to pick the boy up from school and won’t have time.
Me: The network cable going into the back of the computer from her router.
Me: What do you see on your screen right now?
im3: Maybe I forgot to tell you about it. I need you to order 3 routers, next day, for the Schergenrader installation tomorrow.
Me: Are you sure there is power to the monitor?
Text Message from the boy (text2): Can u pk me up aftr skwl?
im1: OK, I’ll have her check that.
lol: Nothing.
Me: I’d have to order in the next 10 minutes to get it guaranteed by tomorrow.
im2: she says it is plugged in.
im1: The cable is connected, but the lights on her router aren’t on.
Me: I thought your mom was gonna pick you up.
text2: Mom g2 p u milk or sumtin
Me: So, your screen is just blue?
im3: Yeah, we really need them. I’d order them, but I have an appointment to get my hair cut. I’m already late.
Me: The boy is asking me to pick him up
lol: No, the screen is black
Me: Your mom asked me to get the milk, she said she was going to get you. Could you work it out with her and let me know what I need to do. I’m kind of busy.
text2: wrtg a novel? L2 txt. uradrk 🙂
text1: no, I’ll get him. You need to get the milk.
Me: I don’t know if I will have time.
Me: Can you work it out with the boy? I’m kind of busy right now. Just let me know what you guys decide and I’ll do whatever that is.
Me: How about we try pushing the power button?
Me: How about we try pushing the power button?
Me: How about we try pushing the power button?
Me: How about we try pushing the power button?
lol: What power button?
im1: Power button on what?
text2: That’s the longest text ever. uradrk ♥
im2: Push what?
im3: Power button? What in the hell are you talking about? Just get it done!
Me: The power button on the monitor.
Me: Make sure the router is plugged in.
Me: The power button on the monitor.
lol: Well what do you know. Looks like that didn’t get turned on. Looks like my internet is actually working. Thank you.
im1: Oh, hey, it was unplugged. Seems to be good now.
Me: Your welcome.
text2: Mom get me, u get milk
im2: Yeah, the monitor wasn’t turned on. All is well.
text2: I’ll get the boy, you get the milk… just like I first wrote.
Me: Great
Me: Great
Me: Great
Me: Great
Me: Great
im3: “Great” what? Are you smoking something funny?
Me: No, I mean, yes, I mean… never mind. I’ll get the routers ordered. Then I can start going through my email…
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Technology SUCKS!!! Man, I miss my Blackberry…