Come on, who hasn’t busted a gut laughing at an inappropriately-timed eruption of flatulence? We all have. Think back to some of the great moments in history and think of how much cooler they would have been if someone had cut the cheese.
Reagan: Mr. Gorbachev, TEAR DOWN THIS WALL! BLPPPTT!
Chuckles from the audience
Reagan: Damn, if I’m not careful, I may end up taking out a wall or two myself!
Just think of how much more laid-back the Soviet/US relationship could have been over the past couple of decades if Ronnie had passed the gas.
Even famous movies could have added a little humor and/or drama by adding a toot or two:
Frankly, my dear… BLPPPTT!
I may actually sit through Gone with the Wind if the gas bomb got dropped.
Darth Vader: If you only knew the power of the Dark Side. Obi-Wan never told you what happened to your father.
Luke Skywalker: He told me enough! He told me you killed him!
Darth Vader: No. I am your father.
Luke Skywalker: No… that’s not true! That’s impossible!
Darth Vader: Search your feelings. You know it to be true… BLPPPTT!
Luke Skywalker: HAHAHAHA! Okay, you are my father… BLPPPTT!
Just think, we could have avoided the entire Ewok disaster if Vader had shared this revelation through spontaneous expulsion and he and Luke could have lived happily ever after.
Yeah, farting is fun. However, I remember when I was a kid, farting was kind of taboo. Oh sure, as a young boy, my friends and I would fart like it was going out of style. We’d fart on things and at things and over things and through things. We’d fart into jars and screw on the lid to see what the farts would smell like weeks later. We’d hold each other down and fart in each others faces. Farts were one of the most enjoyable free things I can remember from my youth. But intentionally farting around adults was kind of avoided. Even if you had a squeaker sneak out, you became embarrassed and usually asked to be excused or apologized… if you couldn’t blame it on the dog. Nowadays, things seem to be different.
My boys fart all the time. If they have a bout of gas, they happily and proudly share their orchestral analosity with anyone who is willing to listen… which is no one… but they share anyway. Once one of my boys starts farting, it’s only a matter of time before the second starts. It’s like their flatulence is contagious. If their mom isn’t home, I seem to catch a case of it myself. There the three of us will be, farting and laughing and having a good time. The sad thing is, a fart party can never end well. The worst ending to a fart party (which I have never experienced myself… seriously… I’m being honest… NEVER!) is when one of the farters seems to have run out of gas.
Get that… see what I did there… gas… fart… “run out of gas”…hahaha.
Anywho…
Even though the fart-party guest has no more “toot” left in the trumpet, he is usually pretty sure he can squeeze… out… just… one… more… fart. Something gets squeezed out, all right, but it isn’t a fart, and the party is immediately over.
Another way a fart party can end is when the scent of the festivities actually begins to fill up the room. When the smell of butt-breeze is all you can smell, the party is pretty much over.
Forcing out farts can lead to stomach aches, and stomach aches lead to a not-very-fun ending to a fart party.
Fart parties often lead to someone trying to “light one up”, which is never a good idea. I have seen more than one butt get burned by some idiot trying to create a rear-axle flame thrower. This never ends well… but always ends funny. Even if someone ends up in the emergency room, the laughs never end. Imagine walking into an emergency room and having to answer the “what exactly happened?” question from the doctor.
The final way a fart party can end poorly is by a female walking into the room. Usually, a female walks in, the party’s over, period. However, sometimes there are some good-natured females who can appreciate a good fart party. This is a sad commentary on the human condition. If a female attempts to join in the party… stop the party immediately. There is just something soooo very not funny about a chick farting!
Of course, maybe I’m being a little immature about the whole chick-farting-thing. I just wrote an entire blog post about farts… so questioning my maturity should be par for the course.