In addition to doing tech-support stuff for the Internet provider I work for, I also, from time to time, handle some marketing responsibilities. As annoying as advertising sales people can be, they are usually more fun to deal with than people whose Internet isn’t working. The following conversation did occur, it’s just that the words that came out of my mouth were completely different than what I have written below. I don’t like cold-calling any more than the next guy (in fact, I probably hate it way more than the next guy), but a little bit of pre-qualification can go a long way…
at work, telephone ringing, it is from another extension in the office:
Me: This is Rich.
Coworker: Yeah, I have Ernie from St. Larry’s of the Divine Catholic Church on the phone, and he is asking for you specifically.
Me: Okay, send him through.
really lame hold music, then a click as someone comes on the line
Me: This is Rich, how can I help you?
Ernie: Hi, Rich! This is Ernie from St. Larry’s of the Divine Catholic Church.
Me: Hi, Ernie.
Ernie: We are in the process of redesigning our church bulletins, and are securing space for our advertisers.
Me: ……
Ernie: I notice that, in the past, you have advertised in our bulletin.
Me: ……
Ernie: And I was wondering if you would be interested in advertising with us again.
Me: Well, Ernie, we tried advertising in several local Catholic church bulletins a couple of years ago and were disappointed with the results. We really didn’t receive any inquiries for our service that we could tie directly to the bulletin advertising.
Ernie: Oh, I’m sorry to hear that! Do you mind me asking exactly what kind of business you have there?
Me: ……?!?
Ernie: You know, what kind of stuff do you guys do?
Me: Well, Ernie, we host fetish websites.
Ernie: …… Excuse me?
Me: You know, bondage, foot fetish, golden showers, domination and the like. We specialize mostly in bestiality sites, though.
Ernie: Pornography?
Me: Yeah, sounds kind of nasty the way you say it, but we really try to keep it clean, you know. No sex with dead animals or anything sick like that.
Ernie: ……
Me: We have our morals and whatnot, you know?
Ernie: Well, I think that maybe this isn’t a good fit.
Me: Yeah, I kind of might have to agree with you, Ernie. But you know what’s really not a good fit? We host this one site called “Elephant Amour” and they have this video of this little tiny Ethiopian gal and a bull African elephant, and they take that elephant’s…
Ernie: Well, now… uh… I have some other calls to make. Sorry to have wasted your time.
click
Me: Yeah, I’m sorry you wasted my time too, Ernie.