So I think I have a hernia. When I lay on my back, there’s this little poof of something under the surface that kind of sticks up in the middle of my abdomen. And I have been having pain right under the ribs on my right side. I figured they were related.
So, I went to see my Dr.
My Dr. takes a look at me and tells me he doesn’t think it’s a hernia, it’s just my abdominal muscles thinning (’cause I’m FAT). You know, like pregnant women sometimes experience (’cause I’m FAT like a pregnant woman… but without the whole “you’re-still-beautiful-because-you-have-a-life-inside of-you-thing… it’s just FAT… I gotta FAT baby of nothing but FAT). I ask the Dr. what I can do, and he tells me to lose weight.
But I got something else going on around my belly button that I’m pretty sure is at least the start of a small hernia, so the Dr. tells me he’s going to order a CT scan. So I wait for the imaging place to call me.
A couple of days later, the imaging place calls me. The lady told me she was calling to schedule my imaging appointment and she needed to let me know that my out-of-pocket cost was going to be eight hundred and something something something dollars. I asked her to repeat that, thinking maybe I had misunderstood. And she repeated that it’s going to cost eight hundred and something something something dollars.
I said, “Well… cancel that then.”
She then informed me that I get like a 10% discount if I pay it all upfront.
“No,” I said, “we’re not going to be doing any imaging for me. Thank you, though.”
The lady then said, “Would you like to talk to our financing department? “
… financing department?
I informed the lady that I wasn’t buying a f&$%ing car and I most definitely did not want to talk to the financing department. I said it very politely, and she told me to have a nice day and called me “sweetie” š
Do I have a hernia? Is my abdominal muscle just thinning with age and FAT? The world may never know, because I’m never going to pay eight hundred and something something something dollars for a f&$%ing picture of my stomach!
Oh yeah, and remember how I said I was having pain right below my ribs on the right side? The Dr. thinks that’s unrelated to my FAT stomach with thin walls… he thinks that’s probably my gallbladder. Hahaha. I asked him what we could do about that, and he said, “Take it out.” Hahaha.
Oh my… good times after fifty. And I’ll KEEP my gallbladder, Mr. Dr., thank you very much! I am coming to the realization that getting old means you need to appreciate pain. Pain is, after all, the spice of life, right? And when the physical pain is less than the monetary pain required to fix the physical pain, LIFE IS GOLDEN.
Is this what they mean by the “golden years?”