How We Mask Our Poopie Smell…

Air freshener spray.

Where do people use air freshener spray, and why?  Occasionally, I’m sure someone will spray a little Glade in the living room because someone with stinky feet had spent a little too long in that room.  Or maybe they will spray a little Air Wick in the bedroom after a particularly robust bout of bedtime fun.  But really — where do people use air freshener and why?

The vast majority of people buy air freshener to keep in the bathroom to cover up the smell of majorly stinky poopies.

Period.

Fair enough?  Now, air freshener companies are always coming up with new scents.  I guess the lavender and the pine are getting old.  We Americans want our bathrooms to smell of something other than flowers or trees when we make poopie.  Apparently pine and poop may remind of us an explicitly bad camping trip where we had the runs (… or is that just me?), so we need something new to associate with our fecal smells.

But what scents can be sprayed after blowing out the toilet bowl that are acceptable to most Americans?  Glade now offers the following:
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Okay, I guess that kind of makes sense.  Anyone who has brought up a little bundle of joy is familiar with the scent of talcum powder and poop.  It’s kind of the classic dirty-diaper scent, right?  And apparently we don’t have as much of an issue with a poopie smell if we associate it with a cuddly little baby whose poop is even cute, right?  I guess I can see why that scent is available.  The problem that I have is that it’s not a little baby’s poopie scent that is being covered up.  It’s usually Bob in IT who leaves the bathroom in need of some freshening, right?
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And we all know that there isn’t a baby reference on the planet that will make anything about Bob’s poop anywhere even close to cute.  So, yeah, the “Powder Fresh” doesn’t really work for me.

Recently at work, someone bought another scent to try to knock down our industrial need for an air freshener.  After all, the place I work is pretty much filled with “Bobs”.  The choice of fragrance we have now really doesn’t work well with an office full of guys who I figure never actually poop at home.  They save it all up to dispense at work, as any visitor can tell by the constant aroma permeating the office air.  And when you have a bunch of tech guys unloading every hour or so, the last thing you want to associate with that nasty smell is:

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Seriously!?!  I may never eat ice cream again…