Women — Trying to Train Men How to Think Since the Beginning of Time…

Here they are again!  You know what I’m writing about, those pictures that float around Facebook and the Internet in general… pictures that point out how women of all shapes and sizes need to be loved for who they are and not necessarily how skinny they are.

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Come on, the bottom row in the above picture is just as hot (if not hotter) than the top row.  Very few men would argue against that.  However, every person has his or her own personal preferences as far as what he or she considers attractive.

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I know that a lot of this “message” is geared towards women.

“Be happy with who you are.”

“Your uniqueness is your most beautiful asset!”

“Never let a man’s opinion shape your feelings of self-worth!”

I am not going to argue any of those points because, to a vast extent, they are all true.

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Okay, okay… we are supposed to “deal with it!”  Alrighty, I get it.  Men need to reconsider what they view as attractive.  Women are going to tell us what should be attractive to us.  Fine.

I don’t disagree with any of this argument that, you know, a person’s real worth shouldn’t be based on physical appearance.  Hell, as a fat, short, ugly guy, I’d preach that little tidbit from the highest mountain.  However, I do have a couple of issues with being told how I’m supposed to judge physical attractiveness.

First, the preachers of the whole “when did ‘this’ become sexier than ‘that'” deal need to come to a realization.  That realization is…

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There is a significant difference between bootiliciously curvaceous and may have a heart attack just from sitting up. There are going to be a lot of guys who have an issue with a potential mate who could theoretically kill him in his sleep just by accidentally rolling on top of him in bed.
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Sorry, I know that may seem shallow, but it is the truth.  But keep preaching… you may change our minds.

The second issue I have with the argument that all women are equally physically beautiful (just in different ways) is the hypocrisy displayed by those who argue it.  Let’s take, for example, my randomly-taken-from-the-Internet picture of my not-so-real-friend George.

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George is the sweetest guy on the planet.  He helps orphans and stray kitty cats find homes and he comforts little old people on their death beds.  George makes a decent living and he is one of the most caring guys on the planet.  George is very attracted to Britney.

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Britney likes George as a “friend,” and that is breaking George’s heart.  George knows that Britney is secretly in love with Brandon.
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Now Brandon works with Myrtle.  Myrtle has a major case of the hots for Brandon, but Brandon just likes Myrtle as a friend.
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Myrtle is also a sweetheart.  She is a loyal friend, has a great sense of humor, and her career as a rocket scientist at NASA (where Brandon is a janitor) pays her quite well.  Brandon, although tempted by Myrtle’s income (because all pretty boys are shallow), likes Myrtle only as a friend and is in love with Britney.

Britney and  Brandon finally hook up.  As a act of courtesy, Brandon and Britney introduce Myrtle to George.  Myrtle is not attracted to George, and George is not attracted to Myrtle.  However, given the other choices that both of them have (… zero), Myrtle and George go out, fall in love, and get married.  They are happily married until they both have massive heart attacks a few years later.

Britney and Brandon date for awhile.  They then have a horrible break-up after each of them find out that the other was having an affair with someone even better looking.  This happens time and time again in each of their relationships for the next few years.

Finally, Brandon gets hooks up with a 16-year-old girl (because all of the women his age appear to “old” for him), and the girl’s father finds out and shoots Brandon dead.

Britney goes through pretty boys like they are going out of style.  Finally, she decides she wants to settle down.  She finds a nice, ugly, rich guy who has never in the past had a chance at with a hot chick.  They get married.  The rich guy is totally in love with Britney for the rest of their days together.  Britney has various affairs with various, hot household employees (pool boys and gardeners and window washers and whatnot) until the day where she decides that she doesn’t need to take care of herself anymore and she gains 100 pounds.  Throughout her life, Britney posts silly “When did this become sexier than that” pictures on Facebook.  She posts these pictures not because she wants all chubby chicks to have an equal shot at the pool boy that Britney used to have.  Britney posts these pictures because she is afraid that with her new weight she will not have equal access to the male hotties that someone skinnier than her has.  Her picture posts are clearly self-serving for the whale that she always knew she would become.  But, of course, Britney has no interest in the fat guy who works on her husbands cars.  Fat guys are gross.

Okay, so maybe my Britney-Brandon-Myrtle-George example isn’t overly realistic, but it’s not as far from the truth as many hypocritical women would have us believe.   Men who objectify women are dogs.  Women who objectify men are just “cougars”, or liberated, or something else stupid like that.

Objectification is based on physical appearance and women are just as guilty of it as men.  The only difference is that men don’t feel the need to post picture on Facebook like this:

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Men realize that the question is stupid.  We know we’re fat and/or ugly and we deal with it.  We don’t preach that women should be expected to find our fat, ugly asses beautiful…