I have lately been so wrapped up in harboring hard feelings towards citizens in my own backyard that certain national events have apparently passed me by. I completely missed the fact that San Fransisco passed a law late last year that outlawed McDonald’s Happy Meals toys. Seriously. Outlawed them. In an effort to reduce childhood obesity. McDonald’s will be violating a law if they sell Happy Meals and offer a free toy if the meal has more than a certain amount of fat and calories and crap in San Fransisco and Santa Clara County. And the really strange thing is that there are people who don’t see a problem with this.
I have never been much of a crusader for McDonald’s because… well… McDonald’s sucks… but how can anyone look at this law and not be slightly taken aback. A government telling a business that it cannot offer as an incentive legal products in an effort to change consumer behavior. I can only imagine what a conversation with one of the idiots who passed this law would be like:
Sane Person (SP): So, you outlawed Happy Meal toys, huh?
California Moron (CM): Yup! We have to look out for our fellow man.
SP: But, shouldn’t it be parents’ responsibility to chose if their kids get a Happy Meal or not. And if McDonald’s wants to offer a “free” toy with each meal, what’s the big deal with that?
CM: Childhood obesity is increasing at an alarming level in this country, and we in California are doing our part to put an end to this.
SP: So, childhood obesity is the fault of McDonald’s alone?
CM: Of course not. We are in the process of enacting similar legislation to cover other foods that we feel are inherently dangerous to children.
SP: Uh… like what?
CM: Well, any sugary cereals that offer toys are just begging kids to get fat. Parents aren’t smart enough to make nutritional decisions for their families, so the government needs to step in.
SP: So, no more baking soda submarines with Cap’n Crunch, huh?
CM: No, no toys with cereal. Also, Cracker Jacks will have to do away with their nefarious “prizes”.
SP: But I love those little tatoos…
CM: Tough cookies. Speaking of cookies, we will be outlawing those as well.
SP: Cookies… really?
CM: Yep. Cookies and cake and pie and anything made with sugar. In fact, we will be outlawing sugar. Also, any processed foods.
SP: Processed foods? You mean, 95% of what a grocery store carries?
CM: Processed foods, and also meat.
SP: Meat?
CM: Yes, meat. It’s not good for you, so it will be illegal! Same with most starches, you know, like potatoes and breads and rice and stuff.
SP: … so… what exactly will people be allowed to eat?
CM: Oh my goodness, there are all kinds of healthy things that people will be able to eat. I have a whole list!
SP: What exactly is on the list?
CM: Well, for one, broccoli.
SP: … you realize that broccoli tastes like butt…
CM: Yes, broccoli tastes like butt, but it is good for you.
SP: … I guess with a little cheese it’s not so bad…
CM: NO CHEESE! No dairy products. Just broccoli.
SP: What else is on your list?
CM: Organic oatmeal.
SP… and?
CM: That’s really about it. Broccoli and organic oatmeal. This is all you need to survive. Think of how thin and healthy everyone will be… and how simple the food pyramid will become. I always had trouble with that stupid food pyramid when I was in school. The new pyramid will be so easy to remember! Just broccoli and organic oatmeal. I guess it will be more of a… well… just a line than a pyramid… but it will be easy!
And people in California wonder why the rest of the country looks at them like they escaped from a circus sideshow. I guess this is what Hilary Clinton meant by “It Takes a Village”. I guess this is also part of the reason why I despise Hilary Clinton. Seriously, isn’t our stinking country liberal enough without the government trying to force us in our purchasing decisions? If you want to outlaw fast food, that’s one thing. But, if fast food is legal, and hundreds of thousands of teenagers use fast food restaurants as a miserable stepping stone to a disgruntled life of crappy jobs serving others, why take away the toys? The toys are the best part of a Happy Meal.
You know, if you really want to get rid of childhood obesity, set even more specific guidelines on what can and cannot be purchased with food stamps. Only the healthiest food for those most at risk for health problems. Or, maybe force women in a certain income bracket to have their tubes tied after a certain number of children. We all know that the poor cannot raise healthy children. Of course, I’m being completely facetious; but, really, once the government starts getting involved in something, we all know how likely they are to back down. It’s only a matter of time before we are all sterilized and forced to eat a diet of butt and cardboard broccoli and organic oatmeal.
O.K., I agree with you (although I do like organic oatmeal & broccoli–never had butt…). When I 1st heard about this, I couldn’t really come up with a reason why it is bad, but you’ve pointed out the ridiculousness of it–thank you. 🙂
You’ve eaten broccoli… you have a pretty good idea what butt tastes like.
Wow, are the kids really eating the toys? Oh well, probably healthier than the actuall food. This is rediculous, but then again, one less thing to step on in the dark while making my way to the fridge for a fatty midnight snack.