Stinking Google…

I like free stuff.  I really, really like free stuff.  Google has been giving away free CR-48 computers, and I want one, because they are free.

I want one.  I have wanted one for awhile now.  In fact, I sent Google my information so that I could participate in their “pilot program”.  I think it was in January that I “applied” for one of these cool devices… which are absolutely free, by the way.  Almost everything I do with a computer outside of my job is Internet based.  I watch stuff on YouTube (owned by Google).  I check my Gmail (owned by Google).  I use the Google Chrome web browser (owned, of course, by Google).  I read blogs on Blogger (owned by Google).  Although this blog is not hosted by Google, I do use Google Analytics (owned by Google) to track traffic to this site.  Most of the little short stories I have written I store in Google Documents (owned by Google) so that I can work on them from any computer with Internet access.  Google Calendar (owned by Google) helps me keep my life semi-organized… at least in theory.  My phone is a Droid (more Google).  I put all of this information on my application to the pilot program.  I figured I would be a shoe-in to test one of these little bad boys out for Google.  Yet, I haven’t received one on my doorstep yet.  Damn it!

I applied for the pilot program on a weekend.  I remember coming to work the following Monday, and one of our phone techs was carrying a new netbook.

“What’s that?” I asked.

“It’s one of them new-fangled Chrome OS computer thingies,” he said.

“Hey, I just applied for the pilot program this weekend,” I said.  “How do you like it?”

“It’s pretty neato,” he replied.  “It starts up real fast, and it’s quicker than snot on a skillet online.  It even has one of thems fancy webcams.”

“Wow, cool,” I said, starting to feel a little jealous.  “How long ago did you apply for the pilot program?”

“Oh, I reckon it were a couple a months ago.”

“And what did you say to impress them,” I asked, “you know, to get them to send you one?”

“Oh, I just said silly stuff,” he said.  “I told them that it’d be neato to have one and that I’d scream it to the world how great they was and whatnot.”

I just stared at him.  Seriously?  He put something stupid like that and he got one?  Now I knew I was a shoe-in, because my reasoning seemed so much more intelligent.  I knew mine would arrive in the mail in a few short weeks.

Well, short weeks have turned into long weeks, and the pilot program is over.  Stinking Google.  I even own some of their stupid stock.  Now I’m just pissed.  In fact, my coworker doesn’t really talk like a redneck hillbilly, I just wrote him like that out of sheer jealousy.

Well, looks like I’m going to have to get rid of all of the Google in my life.  Guess I’ll have to switch to Yahoo! for my mail and calendar… and stop watching YouTube videos… and stop reading Blogger blogs… and find a way to monitor my blog other than Analytics… crap.  This is going to take a lot of work.  You know, it would be a hell of a lot easier if Google would just send me a free CR-48.

Seriously, please send me a free CR-48, Google.  I know that someone at Google will see this post, ’cause I’m gonna tag the hell out of Google in it.  If you send me one… I swear… sigh… I’LL SCREAM IT TO THE WORLD HOW GREAT IT IS!!!